Saying NO is hard.
Not just for you but for everyone.
Why is that?
Because we are conditioned, especially as women to say yes. It has been drilled into us. We are taught to consider other people before we consider ourselves and what we need.
So what do we do?
How do we get over it?
Or do we learn just to push through? Fake it till you make it.
I think the key to learning to say NO is working out why it’s hard for YOU.
Because what makes it hard for you may be different from what makes it hard for others.
For me, saying NO makes me feel harsh. It makes me feel like I am not being generous. Or open to new opportunities or helping someone. It triggers my need to please others.
What does saying NO trigger in you?
Is it a fear of letting someone down? Is it being viewed as a difficult person? Does it feel like you are being harsh or unkind? Does it make you feel selfish?
Understanding the underlying reason is KEY to turning things around. It actually has got nothing to do with saying NO but rather this underlying reason. By focusing on the root issue, you can sit with the feelings that come up. Rationalise how incorrect those thoughts are. Importantly you can put a plan in place.
So when I say NO, it goes against my need to please others. It triggers feelings of selfishness. By sitting in that feeling I can objectively analyse whether I am being selfish. Most often I am not.
Saying NO also goes against my need for positive outcomes. That’s part of why I feel selfish. So now I can work out what is the best way of saying NO that can still get a positive outcome. So now I can say NO and offer an alternative solution that I am happy with.
Working out what saying NO is triggering in you will help you learn how to say NO in a way that aligns with the person you are and the outcomes you want. It gets you smarter with HOW you say NO. It gets you focused not on the hurdle of saying NO but the outcome from it.
This way you don’t need to fake it or be stuck in the cycle of saying yes.
You get the freedom of saying NO without the triggers.
